Maybe it's bcoz your motivation for meds are negative reflections on you, and you subconciously reject those motives, and thus meds. I myself would loathe to think meds make me a better person. Maybe not even actively, but it would be there in my mind, somewhere. Use motivation, that doesn't reflect negatively on your sense of self. Eg. Meds are part of my maintainence toolkit. Meds assist me to achieve a higher quality of life... Idk, just a thought. Alternatively you could visually remind yourself of your MH goals, and add that meds are part of the equation to achieve them. Eg. Regular sleep schedule + medz = stability. Idk if I'm making much sense, über tired, bedtime for me. Goodluck tho!