What you say seems perfectly "normal" to me. With the way your mom and dad have treated you I can't imagine you looking up to either of them. It's sad, I don't really look up to my parents either. Your feelings seem very in tune with what is happening. I'm sorry you still have to live with your mom, I'm sure that is hard whether she is drinking or not with all that you have been through with her. Take care and thanks for posting. 
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dailyhealing
"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan “If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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