Just had a session tonight... couldn't say half what was going through my head but stuck to surface level stuff.. then I sent this email to my T....

T,

I know I sounded angry... I'm not...I'm hurting and in pain... when you said I didn't seem to want to come...it was so far from the truth... but i can't ever tell you what is going on inside my head... I tried to say just a tiny bit of it when we were talking about have honest and transparent relationships and friendships... I told you I don't know why anyone would want me to be their friend except if I could do something for them...

I hate me. You trying to make light of my sharing that I truely don't know why anyone would want to be my friend does not change how I feel. If anyone truely knew me they would realize that I'm a worthless piece of ****..

I just want to stop the pain... I just want to disappear... Unfortunately no amount of food ...no matter how much I eat makes the pain disappear... the only good thing about it now is that I have disappeared to outsiders in that they no longer see me I'm just the fat lady..... now all I have to figure out is how to disappear from me....how to make the pain go away... RTS

I hate all of this