I know things sound awful and believe me they feel it but there is a flip side. When he's not in crisis we have our good times. We paddle in to sea, we massage each other, we laugh and watch movies together snuggled up and eating popcorn. And sometimes we have a midnight bed picnic. Yes our intimate life is very limited but as well as my monster issues, medications don't help things either Right now his treatment is in limbo, his therapist is on maternity leave and since that began at the end of last yr he is increasingly in crisis more than not we are also having to fight with his psychotherapist team to get onto a 20wk intensive treatment programme. They are useless but are stuck with them I'm sticking with him because i know his trying to fight his bpd and yes we're several steps back but from where we have been but there's still fight left in us. And although right now i am letting make me a victim, i'm taking steps, learning about his illness and different ways to deal with our communication and relationship. I'm taking the time to empower myself and have had some little victorys however fleeting I stay because we love each other and there is hope. But to enable me to cope i have to vent or i'd just blow my fuse with him and that doesn't help.