What if I need to punish myself? What can I do instead of burning? Sorry to be difficult, but red marker and ice cubes are not cutting it...a lot of the "things to do instead" are "nice" self-care things. What if I don't want to be nice to me?

Trigger
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Did it again. I went a couple of years and lately some stuff has been coming up and I can't ****ing sleep and I can't stop ruminating and I got upset about a stupid insignificant thing I "did," and I fought it for a while, then I plugged in my straightening iron. This wasn't the first time, that was a few weeks ago with a couple of times in between.