To answer the initial question, no, I have never refused to leave, though there have certainly been times I haven't wanted to leave. In fact, at the end of a session, I never WANT to leave. I always wish I had more time. But, when the clock is up, I get up and go.
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Originally Posted by rainbow8
Only once, with my former T, did I physically NOT leave. In my opinion, she handled it very poorly and I was devastated. I saw her in her home, so after my sessions she would go upstairs and I would leave out her front door. This particular time I felt SO bad, but of course I couldn't cry in the session. So I sat in her other room, kind of a waiting room but it's a very comfortable room since it's her home, and started to cry. I wanted her to see me crying, so I sat there. I just couldn't leave. I guess 15 minutes or so went by, she came back, and was getting ready for her next client, saw me there, and said I had to leave. I walked to the door (I wasn't crying any more) but I stood there, watching her in her kitchen. I felt powerless to walk out. She put ice in a glass and said "This isn't healthy. You have to leave". So I did, and cried hysterically in my car.
That night when I called her, she said that she can't do therapy with me if I don't hold by the rules, for my sake and hers. I think this was fairly early in the therapy, maybe a couple of months, though I don't remember.
My current T would never treat me that way! She would have asked me what was wrong, walked me out, hugged me, or said something reassuring.
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I know not wanting to leave can be difficult, but I really don't see what your former T did wrong in this situation. She assumed that you had left at the end of your session, she went upstairs expecting to be alone in her home, went back down for something to drink, and found you still in her house! Having a fairly new client unexpectedly lingering in her house could have been quite frightening for her. It's more of a boundary violation than lingering in her office, because this is her place of residence. This is where she feels safe. Having a client lingering in her house could make her feel very unsafe in her own home. Even if she was trying to mask her own fear or discomfort and remain professional, it's hard to imagine that such a situation would not be unnerving even for a well-trained T.
It's also not just that a client needs to leave to accommodate the next client, but also to allow the T to have some personal time in between clients. That is why most Ts leave a "gap" of at least 10 minutes in between clients. Being a T can be a very emotionally demanding and draining job. Ts need a chance to clear their heads from the previous session and take a little breather before having to be "on" again with the next client. Depriving T of those few minutes of down time can really have a negative effect on them, personally and emotionally, as well as on the quality of care they are able to provide the next client.
There also seems to be a difference between a client having a panic attack or mental breakdown which they absolutely cannot control, and a client who is acting out for attention. When you say "I wanted her to see me crying, so I sat there," that makes your behavior sound manipulative, even if it is unintentionally so. Your objective in staying there was to get her to pay attention to you and comfort you, even though your time was up. That is a form of manipulation, as well as a boundary violation.
And, when a boundary is being violated, the best way to handle the situation (for the good of the T AND the client) is to be polite but firm and enforce the boundary. It sounds like that is what your T did. To have continued to do therapy with you when your time had been up for 15 minutes by asking you what was wrong, hugging you, and walking out with you would have been to reward you for violating the boundaries, and to reinforce that behavior by giving you what you wanted. It would have sent the message that it was okay not to leave at the end of session and that if you want more time with T, all you have to do is hang around in her house and cry until she sees you again and comes over to see what is wrong. I can understand why your Ts behavior would cause you to feel rejected or hurt, but in all honesty, it sounds like she did what was in your own best interests. I bet you never broke that boundary again!
My intention in writing this is not to criticize your behavior long after the fact but, rather, to offer you a new perspective on that situation. Maybe instead of feeling like your former T failed you or traumatized you, you can realize that what she did was actually a very helpful and loving gesture. She held firm (even when it may have been difficult for her to do so) in order to help you learn appropriate therapy boundaries and to teach you how to soothe yourself instead of always reaching out to someone else to soothe you. That is one of the most important lessons we can learn in therapy! It's also one of the hardest-- it was for me, anyway-- but it takes a firm hand from T to teach us this. That's how I learned it!
Okay... sorry for hijacking a bit... I didn't expect what I wrote to be so long! And thanks to Lost for starting this thread... it ended up being really helpful for me to think about this question.