Ughh, I don't know what's up with it. This is one of the big reasons why I ever want to SI...expiating guilt and getting rid of all those bad feelings. I get hung up late at night on something, and I start to feel overwhelmed and anxious and then after I do it I feel calm again and can turn off the thinking-too-much.

I have a therapist, but he doesn't know that I've been doing this and to be perfectly honest I don't want to tell him. I don't want it to be a thing. I'm very careful to do it where no one will see it and I don't want this to be a big, dramatic issue.