I'm so sorry you're struggling. I 'died' on lithium, my mind was mush and my emotions flatlined. Couldn't handle it at all. I have manic debt to repay, which has been eating at my very core. I understand the self-loathing that comes with failing ourselves, KNOWING we should be able to do better. And I also use sleep as my escape. I understand not having any self-discipline too. I dropped out on a course after a year bcoz of it. In times like these, we must remember to be kind to self. After all my past failures, I've learned that I can be productive and disciplined if I 'answer' to someone else... Besides needing money, it's the main reason I HAVE to work. Just wanted you to know that I get it, and you're not alone. Please don't give up on yourself, you've tried so hard, and so long. You're worth the effort!