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Lydia, this may not apply to you so toss it out if it doesn’t. But I had DDNOS and one of the very hardest things for me to do was to feel the feelings that told me that my family did not love me.
OK, they tried, they hadn’t had love themselves, etc., etc.
But the feeling . . . that in their core they don’t care . . . it is so absolutely awful.
I hear some of that in your post – who believes you, who will stick up for you? And I definitely understand the frustration that nobody in the mental health “system” really does that, either.
I did love my mother and father and some other family members before I cut the feeling off, or dissociated, somewhere between 3 and 5. And then I behaved as if I cared, just as they did. Love does exist.
It took a support group where I did feel accepted for who I am/was before I could feel the difference between the way I felt with them and the way I felt with my family.
I hope that you’re doing OK and weathering your stay at the hospital, if that’s where you are. But then . . . if at all possible, if you can find a group situation to give you and your alters some acceptance. . . Well, I hear you. You need your family and there not there. AGAIN. Sadly, I don’t think they’re going to be. But there are others in life who CAN be there for you.
I stayed at home and went to support groups at night, sometimes almost every day. Would that be an option for you?
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