I agree with all the others and especially what EJ was saying. Don't do things behind your pdoc's back. You need to be honest before you can make progress. I was lucky enough to have a pdoc that took one look at the 10 medications I was on, Depakote, Lithium and others to tell me "let's throw all this out and start from scratch". Many pdocs are afraid to do that. But I am sure you can find one that will work with you. I agree wholeheartedly to tell your therapist about your feelings while in session and see if she has any suggestions for you.

I highly recommend taking your meds until you get a pdoc that can change things around a bit. I was on the rollercoaster of throwing out the pills every time I was released from the hospital because I was convinced I didn't need them and I could beat it on my own. I even went three years without meds. However, the bipolar came back. Came back with a vengeance. I had such a manic episode that almost destroyed my life. And it came out of nowhere. Just stress I guess from moving that I couldn't handle. The point is, I will stress again is I went a whole THREE YEARS without them and I thought I was fine and I conquered it. But it turned around and conquered me.

Be careful and I wish you all the best.