I had my first session with the fill-in T while my regular T is on leave.

She's ok. Not as great as my regular T but she'll do. She said I'm gonna destroy myself if I keep isolating and everything. But really I don't want to stop isolating. I'm happy with the way I'm living except for the fact that I'm still with Andy. I like being alone...it's comforting when I'm alone because I just find it safer and more rewarding for some reason.

I even talked to her about not wanting any physical contact anymore. No, I didn't say I didn't want sex but it's the physical contact I have a problem with. I'd rather masturbate than let someone else touch me...even Andy. I get so repulsed when he does touch me or kiss me or anything like that.

We talked about so many things today. I have to come up with 4 things for the 4 senses so I can ground myself...things that will work for me for when I have my flashbacks. She's gonna laminate them and everything. I think that's gonna be cool. I'll just keep them in my purse...I'll need them everywhere!