Quote:
Originally Posted by BuggsBunny
Hamster, just one question, and it's got nothing to do with your size. What would you accomplish by a very short sexual relationship with D? You said he's only going to be here a short time. And all the while you'd be worried about his being turned off over your weight. I'm not trying to talk you out of this, just to get you to look at the possible consequences of your wishes. Do you want to risk a long term friendship over some short term sex?
~Buggs
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Buggs, thanks very much for asking and for caring. It is invaluable. I will explain and you let me know if I am delusional. I do not think that I would be worried about his being turned ff over my weight all the time. I would say this is an initial hurdle for me to overcome, and the answers on this thread have already helped me move in that direction. It would also help me if D. assured me that I am OK or that he certainly understands what it is like being on Depakote. But what I AM worried is your mention of risks. Do you see me losing an important long-term friendship? How? I value the friendship, I do not want to ruin anything. Thanks for thinking it through for me!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauru
I was never in a long term relationship when I was skinny. Pre meds. Since I have been extremely fat, partially due to meds, I have been in 2 longterm relationships of about 5 years each. I entered both of those relationships fat. Without being too graphic I will say sex is not as beautiful as it would be if both of us were skinny. But love came and sex came, and actually the sex was quite good. I tend to focus on my partner's face and small sections of her body rather than her body overall. Honestly, I think the sex would have been much hotter had we both been skinny. But the love was there and there was passion. So I guess you take what you can get and hope for the best.
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Lauru, thanks, this is encouraging. There are actually plenty of body parts that are OK about me - virtually all extremeties and the neck. It is just a fat torso and a puffy face. So it is nice to know non-fat body parts
can detract attention. I am glad the love was there and there was passion for you. I hope to follow suit.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miguel'smom
It sounds like the risks outweigh the benefits to this short term relationship change. It could work but do you have an other options that don't have as high risks.
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Same question as the one I asked Buggs: where do you see the risks? Do you see me spoiling a friendship over it? Regarding other options - no, I do not have any. I thought that a old friend and a p-doc to boot would be actually a good option to "break the fast" of my three year old abstinence, because he would be kind, understanding, etc. etc. to say nothing about not being put off or scared by my inability to orgasm (courtesy of my antipsychotic, other than that a terrific drug whom D. himself recommended heartily). He does not know about this pretty side effect because we have not talked about sex - we always interact pretending that nothing happened in 1996 - but when I tell him, he will understand and I am sure will pity me. And eventually he will become a more compassionate p-doc thanks this experience with me, although I know he is already more compassionate than many.
To your general point about other options: I do not feel I am ready. Nor am I equipped to place myself into dating marketplace again. Last time I was on it was a long time ago, and all odds were
in my favor - killer looks in combination with frequent hypomania whose energy seduces people meant that guys competed for me. I do not know how to be just like everybody else, how to be with humility, and I need even more than that now because I am not "just like everybody else", I have odds
against me - besides fat, I have sagging breasts (3 babies + 8 years of breastfeeding combined), ackned skin (courtesy of Lithium), shaking hands (courtesy of Depakote), and a problem with self care which makes things that would have been welcome now, such as ability to apply make-up or skillfully style hair (high quality curly hair which I hide wearing it in a pony tail because of lack of dexterity needed to make it into something more creative and visually appealing): I barely manage to brush my teeth and take showers, more grooming is out of the question. This self-care problem is like a combination of self-punishment and lack of motivation. So, no, maybe with time, but for now I am scared of dating, plus I have absolutely no time for it - I sleep and work now, that is all.
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Originally Posted by cocoabeans
My husband did gain weight for a bit and I did ask him to lose it which he did, it wasn't much weight but interfered nonetheless.
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Good for him. When my then husband nudged me, by saying things such as "you would feel better if you start exercising", I did not "get" it. By the time he told me that touching my folds of fat skin was no longer pleasant and that I was forcing him to have this experience, it was too late to change anything. But I begrudge him for being gentle with me in the beginning, I would much rather he tell me outright, like you told your husband, that it is interfering.
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Originally Posted by ChristySpirals
Don't think too much about stuff you can't change and just go have fun |
OK, I will, unless there are risks to friendship involved. Thanks.
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Originally Posted by RobertDark
Got it. Then I say go for it and if he does share the same feelings you do, he won't care what you look like. Sounds like a relationship would be very difficult in your situation but I am a romantic at heart and I think if it's meant to be, it will be. Love can get people places they don't think possible.
If he's told you that you are beautiful and you believe that to be the truth then I'd bet he doesn't have any real issue with your weight.
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D. is a romantic, like you. And when he said over Skype that I am beautiful, he only saw the face and the hair.
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Originally Posted by BlueInanna
Work it mama, feel sexy on the inside and it will emanate and attract lovers Sometimes I'll do a little dance in the mirror like oh yeah check out these curves, now that's a bootie, smack, now that's 100% woman. mmm-hmmm... Sometimes too many lovers - be carefull lol No one has ever said anything about my belly.... cuz I would probably punch them in their fat nose. xx |
Go BlueInanna! I love your post! I can see you dancing! I do feel sexy - smolderingly sexy to be precise - on the inside and I often think that what he will get now if he goes for it - the whole package, the 100% woman - is in fact infinitely better than the beautiful doll whom he had in bed in the past.
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Originally Posted by StrawberryFieldsss
In a long distance situation like this it would never likely be more than friends with benefits. He is also still married according to your first post. Traveling is how many men carry on affairs with no intention of divorcing their wives. I'd proceed with caution. You have no way of verifying anything that he says to you being so far away from him. The mushy fuzzy talk often accompanies this as they never really have to commit to you, but some men know that women love to hear this stuff so they say it.
I would dump this guy like a bad habit personally.
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When I visited, in 2010, they were already separated - he living in the city and she living in the suburbs. But of course they might still be having sex. It is just none of my business - what I claim in this relationship is tender specialness, not exclusivity.