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When we were first together he would continually tell me how his last long term gf never initiated sex. So i was very careful not to make the same mistake as he had pointed out what an issue he found it.
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This is his issue, not yours! It is not a "mistake" to initiate/not initiate sex; you have your own desires, and he has his. He can ask for what he wants or he's not likely to get it!
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but if he thinks, feels i'm abusing him then to him i am
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His thoughts, feelings and perceptions are not the reality of a situation, they are just his thoughts, feelings, and perceptions! They are not yours and if he mistreats you, yells at you and calls you names (especially on your birthday) it is he who is being abusive. I hope you explained to him his behavior has made it difficult for you to have any desire to initiate sex with him since he behaved so badly on your birthday?