I think that maybe this is difficult to talk about here for a few reasons.

- I think it might be triggering for some people...knowing that what seemed like such a good T and good relationship can change, and not for the better. I mean, it makes me so sad and upset when I let myself think about it...I never EVER would have expected this. And I just wonder if it's triggering for others.

- The situation is INCREDIBLY complex, and I don't feel free to talk very openly about it here (not because of PC, just because it's public) and so I think it's really hard to understand the layers and complexity of what's going on.

It's probably not even fair for me to ask for support given the two things I wrote above. I just don't know what to do, where to talk about my feelings, how to process it. I am starting to understand that this might not be the right place, but I don't know where the right place IS. It's not with T. It's not here. I do talk to my friends about it, but they don't really "get" it.

I'll figure it out, probably with another T. Or maybe I'll move through it on my own...I did learn skills from all of those years of T that I can apply here. I just need to REMEMBER them when I'm triggered, which apparently I'm not very good at.

I'm giving myself until Monday to figure it out, but I think I am going to call T and tell him that I don't need to talk to him right now, and thank him for listening to my messages. I can be okay.