Quote:
Originally Posted by WikidPissah
I chose a male T simply because women intimidate me. I was never taught how to be a girl, so I feel weird around women, like they'll somehow know I am not a girl inside....or something.
That being said, as of late I don't feel so safe with T either.
Do you think that you're unsafe feeling will recede once you see him? Sometimes I get really scared in my head, but when I get there I'm like, oh yea, it's just T.
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I was taught all the wrong messages about women from other women (and men) and although I struggle to be close to any gender, feel I understand men more - a huge generalisation I know.
I am hoping I will feel Ok when I actually see T - it is just at the moment, there are all sorts of warning bells going off in my head and drawing parallels between this memory and being on my own with T - like part of me is telling me to beware that this is not (another) serious error of judgement.
I don't feel I can talk to T about this as it would seem pretty insulting after all his patience with me.
I have faced a lot of betrayal in the past and therefore my alarm gets pushed quite easily.
I am trying to calm things, but feel this potential for a complete over-reaction. I am so sure this is all a transference thing, but there seems to be such a big gap between my head and my emotional response to things.