Quote:
Originally Posted by IowaFarmGal
I think there is sometimes swirling pain and anger that needs an outlet. I used to cut I still beat on my head sometimes. I think maybe I select myself because the abuse causes some self hatred too along with the pain and anger. Sometimes the things done to the body make me hate the body. This hatred and anger all belong on the abuser but it was not possible to put it there because I was too small.   |
I think I have something similar. I know sometimes I would become enraged at something silly like not being able to find the car keys. I also would punch myself or slap myself while at the same time thinking in my mind that I was stupid and worthless. It would come out of no where. I could feel it building but all of a sudden I would explode and direct the violence toward me while thinking at the same time I deserved it. But almost the moment I hit myself I would freak out about doing it and think that I was insane. It would take a long time to feel good about myself again. Once I started talking with my body-mind we worked toward me not hurting him. I sometimes still think about it but now that I understand that my hurting myself it another part of me who expresses themselves in that way. I have admitted that there is a part of me that thinks I am loathsome. But I am not, and most of us feel the same way, so we sort of stand together and stop anyone from hurting the body. My body-mind has saved our lives and I don't want him hurt like I was. We are all one and I just want to live like that. Thanks for responding. It helps me to think