(((Widget)))

In my opinion, Robert doesn't sound as though he's in a very healthy place himself. Why is he always going out, drinking til the wee hours, and then contacting you? That isn't real healthy behavior. Knowing that you, his friend, has this tendency to SI (especially when drunk) it's not the best thing to invite you to go out and do these things. I'm not sure that Robert is your true friend ~ sounds more like a drinking buddy to me ~ and, yes, there is a BIG difference! You didn't say much about your other friend, Kerri, and her behavior, otherwise I'd give you my opinion on whether or not you should take her out of your zone of true friends as well.

I can understand your feeling of fear that Robert won't contact you, and that will be the end of your friendship. It's scary to go forward in life without some small comforts. Like friends, healthy habits, etc...but I think that you may need to start off with smaller and more frequent positives. A long, cool shower on a hot day; riding a bike or walking through nature; exploring all senses with leaves, a peppermint candy, small chocolate (etc.), a rock, pillow, teddy bear, the list goes on; do crossword puzzles or word-searches; go to a museum and study artwork that speaks to you; listen to fun music; play games; and so forth.

The more distressed and lonely that we are, the busier that we need to keep ourselves with things on these lists...to keep us from going to the darker side and abusing ourselves. It is hard. Try to stay focused on this very moment in time and move forward. We will make mistakes. That's okay ~ NO NEED to continually kick ourselves over that too. Just let it go and move on with the new, fresh moment.

I hope that helps you a little bit ~ best wishes!