I am losing it... I don't want to be sick any more. I don't think I can handle it... my T is gone for two weeks.

What if ECT isn't working? It was my last hope. I thought it was helping, but now I don't know. Meds don't help. I was hoping the ECT would open the pathway to my meds helping or to going off meds. I feel trapped by my stupid disorder. I can totally see another hospitalization in my future.

I am not suicidal, but I can't stay alive.

Why is this so painful?

I feel so raw.