I understand about it being completely humiliating. I'm not a huge self-discloser myself and this kind of thing is embarrassing for everybody. So, no, you're not a total freak! And this is not a stupid question.

I'm assuming by the way that you phrase your question that you do remember incidences of CSA. So it certainly is likely that more than what you remember happened. Aside from it all being scary and overwhelming for a child, little kids forget regular things all the time. I lived in another state for a year when I was four, and I remember the second half (living at my grandparent's house) but not the first (living in an apartment with my parents); I was just really young, so all of that is hazy.

I don't think you should accept living with pain. I do think you should go to a doctor to rule out physical reasons for it. I don't like the idea of a random stranger up in my hoo-ha either, but you don't want it to be something physical that you can take care of.

And the answer to your last question is yes. It tends to be when I think about things that happened, or when I'm (trying) to get it on. And I know from extensive, obsessive reading that other people get "body memories," too...

So it's possible that the pain is related to the memories. But you should go to the doctor and make sure that it's not physical; take care of yourself! Even if it a physical problem, that doesn't mean your memories are not real. Or that the pain isn't being exacerbated by the memories.