Nightsky, I think it's a damn shame that your T didn't try to help you with the actual transition out of therapy. I won't question your decision to end so abruptly after you had decided you wanted to end, because as you say, there's a lot going on, and some I know about, and some I don't. But I do think it was on him to make sure you had a safety net below you before you left. Terminating with a T is the perfect situation for someone to become really unsafe really fast, and he before anyone should know that. And should have helped you take care of it. No matter how furious I have been with my T, he has never wanted me to just up and leave, but would at least tell me to talk to X or Y because I was obviously not safe on my own. It's very disappointing. I hope you can make something work really soon, and I'm sorry it's so hard to seek support here. To be 100% honest, it can be very frustrating to give support when it's really really unclear what's going on, but at the same time, I completely understand why you don't want to put anything specific where anyone can read it if they want to. It's a very difficult situation.

But, to the heart of it: you do need therapy, for sure, and I don't think that should really be up for debate, given all that's happened and how unsafe you feel right now. I just hope you find a way to make that happen as soon as you can.