Hi there,
Welcome to PC, I'm glad you found this terrific site.
After reading your post, I was wondering if you have considered therapy to help you work through this? If you are already in therapy,you may want to discuss with your therapist some techniques that can help you overcome this or at least lessen it. One thing that is a good start is that you are able to recognize this and have the want to do something about it,that alone helps the therapist help you.
I sincerely wish you luck with this, and want you to know there is hope.
Take care now,
DE