hello, i am new. i want to know if this is considered PTSD. i have endured trauma in my life growing up with my idiot parents not knowing how to parent. my siblings endure such crap growing up b4 i was born and hate my parents for it want nothing to do with them.

i am 26 yrs old and life at age 10 was not easy for me or us. at age 10, a kid shouldnt endure high levels of stress but i did. when we moved here in AZ from CA in 96, my mom didnt let me have a life at all i was always home not having fun with friends as normal kids and always on the computer. this led me to lose many friendships in my life because of my parents' ignorance, narcissistic ways, and multiple personalities.

i didnt have a normal childhood growing up yet i can't fathom why people don't seem to get that not that hard to understand! at 12-13 yrs old, on a weekend, my mom and i got into this huge fight over something stupid. she was complaining the usual friends and school. she didnt know any of them only 1-2 and they told me how much of a basket case, a ****, a psychotic twat she is.

she said something smart and mean like she always does. what broke the straw on the camel's back is my mom said i wish you were not born, i should have killed u when u were a baby, smothered you when u were a baby, and something else i can not remember. u know when someone's eye lit up when they hear something that is out of this world? yea that was my eyes.

i was still shocked like a statue not moving when i heard that. i remember laying my side on my bed in fetal position, crying my eyes out, eyes not blinking but tears still flowing, sound, smell, taste went out, my mind went somewhere else and my whole room turned white - i heard nothing around me. since everything is white, it was like i was in a mental asylum in a white str8 jacket with no doors just a window and laying on the bedroom.

i wonder if that was a mental breakdown? after that, i blinked and everything from my mind/vision left, went back to normal and sound, taste, and smell came back to normal. i have never experienced that in my life and havent experienced that in a long time. i told my bf that and he couldn't believe it saying how could a parent say such a thing to their child and expect respect from their own kid after hearing that?

i used to be a very outgoing person that was killed between 10-13 yrs old, i started having communication issues, had trouble making friends when it used to be easy for me. it's gotten to the point where i dont trust anybody because they have disappointed me, betrayed me, i saw similarities of my parents in them, broke off a meaningless 10 yr friendship in oct 09 (she is a narc like my parents and a *****).

i remember a few older women said how my face is sad that they see sorrow, needing support/love/caring/understanding, etc. ppl would always ask me how come u never look happy? smile. i said if u only knew the truth u would know why i dont smile or be happy that much the people had a strange look after i said that.

my friends knew about my story and couldn't handle it. they deserted me because they couldnt handle how my parents were treating me and how my mom felt i needed my friends to be a babysitter to me. it did cause arguments i told them nothing u say to them will not change a word i say even i say everything from my heart (already have and did nothing more drama and finger pointing) u can not change a person at all. they didn't understand that and didnt know **** about broken families.

i am wondering if this would be ptsd? i have never been diagnosed nor have i talked to a doctor/psychiatrist about this cuz i know what will happen. they will prescribe a drug, mask the problem instead of going deeper into my emotions/brain and try to fix it that way. no thank u, i have no interest in going down that route again money or no money.

if meds work for ppl on here thats fine, but dont tell me i should be prescribed drugs to fix my problem - i am my own doctor i know my body better than anyone else i just wanna know whats going on. i doubt the state insurance covers therapy sessions for ptsd.

therapy sessions is only done if you have been prescribed drugs as i called them yesterday afternoon asking about a mental condition. it's dumb how they do it. i live at home because of no job and still looking for a job although i have a degree no certs and lack work experience. i took a quiz i want to take to a therapist for add/adhd on sanity and it shows i am in a great deal of distress which i have been for 16 yrs.

other than that, i would have to pay for additional therapy sessions since the state won't do it. i dont see myself being in therapy for years and dont want to spend thousands of dollars yearly. i just need to get more answers on my mental health. i remember long ago my mom said i will take u to a psychiatrist as she said that every year claiming she is always broke (but can spend money on jewelry useless crap how is that always broke?) i said wow that's the way to go to help ur child!!

no, i dont have friends who can help me again they have deserted me. my siblings live in elsewhere brother is in CO dont like his wife nor do i wanna leave my bf and my sister is in japan on the naval base with her family. i dont know the other relatives glad i dont know them. so, i would move to a healthier environment but i have no place to go.

any ideas/suggestions?