oh littlebit i am so sorry you are facing such challenges with your health. when you see your new postdoc, please tell him/her how badly you feel emotionally. you need support and possibly meds to give your mind a lift for the present. at least that would enable for you to have more hope.
you do have a purpose tho the present looks bleak right now. your daughter is one of those purposes. she needs her mother. i know you know that.
i'm so glad you posted. please know we are here for you.  
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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