Jimrat - your comments are helpful to me; thanks for sharing your experience.

SublimeChange - I don't think you need to get the therapist to remove you from the responsibility. Just decide for yourself what you think will be most likely to be helpful to your friend.

I've had a similar situation with an internet friend that I've known for eight years. About a year ago it occurred to me that he fits the profile for asperger's. I didn't know if I should mention it to him or not. He is extremely defensive and sometimes militant. Part of the problem for me is that asperger's is categorized as a "developmental disability" rather than just a different cognitive style. Some people are relieved when they have a diagnosis to work with, but others feel limited and defective and even more discouraged. To me the value of anything is in how well it works, or gets us the result we are looking for. Also, not all therapists are equally skilled in working with people.

With my friend, I put off mentioning it for several months after I thought of it, but then wrote to him that I'd been reading about Aspergers. I said it occurred to me that some of the descriptions fit the things he has told me about himself. He argued and said yes, but some don't, and the subject got dropped.

Yesterday I sent him the link to the asperger syndrome diagnostic scale that's given in the thread here of the same name. I asked him if he felt like taking the quiz. He did and got a 32, which really fits with what I know of him. I think many people who fit the profile for asperger's get depressed, distrustful, and resentful not because that's part of the syndrome, but because of the way they are mistreated and rejected by others over their differences.

If I were in your position I wouldn't just lay it on her what the therapist said. I'd kind of feel her out and open up the possibility of looking into what has been written about asperger's to see if it might be useful to her. Sometimes people need time to get used to new ideas, especially if it is generally seen as something detrimental. That's just my style though and others might proceed differently. I personally disagree with categorizing asperger's as a disability. It is a neurological difference in processing that needs to be acknowledged, but there have been many gifted, even brilliant people in history who, in retrospect, are suspected of having been on the autism spectrum. Good luck with it. She is lucky to have a good friend like you to care about her.