Readytostop.....why not throw cognitive distortions into the mix...beliefs... what you talk about is very familiar to me. I too believe that nobody wants me around except for what I do for them..or i did anyway.. now i understand that i am just an awesome person to be in anybody's life but before i believed that i was worthless and deserved to die, why? because i wasnt perfect. and i had to be perfect in order to be loved. a message i picked up from that wonderful childhood i dont remember. but now that i have disconnected from that and become my own person, i understand how good of a person i am i dont need to listen to those messages any more. i know the people in my life love me. i have left behind those from that other world. i dont need to please them anymore. i just need to work for my own happiness and joy. i surround myself with good people today, ones that bring me joy and satisfaction and positive feedback. ive weeded out the garbage. you can too.