You sound a lot like me a year ago, except I was too scared to even try to take one of my Lorazepam. (I was scared I'd be the one person to have a weird side effect, that I'd become addicted, etc etc.) So I had tons of panic attacks. I felt like my entire life was out of my control and that I'd never be able to go back to where I used to be.

After a year of therapy I know that I CAN control my reaction when I am having a panic attack. I know what it is, I know what to do. I am ready for them. Bring 'em on, I have a plan. I know how to stop feeding the anxiety. I know I am strong enough to deal with it. I can fight back.

Hang in there, I PROMISE you it can get better. It sucks and takes a lot of work & it is VERY hard to face fears. But it's totally possible.