So my father's been sick for the last ten years with Multiple System Atrophy. This past year he's been rapidly deteriorating. Those activities that he used to struggle with have now become nearly impossible. He is now skipping meals because he can't feed himself. He can no longer project his voice but merely whisper. Transferring from his bed to his wheelchair have gone from independent to assist x2. He's had a permanent supra-pubic catheter placed and is now getting ferocious UTI's on a very regular basis, so bad that he's been in and out of the hospital multiple times. Basically, my father is dying. I'd be surprised if he lasts another year.
And the "wonderful" daughter that I am, I haven't been helping him, visiting him rarely, and have overall isolated myself from his entire situation. And I don't know why. He's my father, I love him. I took care of him in his early stages of the disease; I don't know why I can't seem to find the time to help him now when he needs it more than ever. I don't understand why I'm able to make time for anyone else in my life except my dying father.
I feel like I'm a horrible and selfish daughter. What's wrong with me?