So, I really have to say, the internship seems to be going well. I'm having an amazing time in Indianapolis, working and learning and networking, and I seem to be getting along well with everyone. So, why do I feel so nervous? It's so weird, no matter how well I do, I can't help but feel like it's all going to blow up in my face any minute. I feel like I can't take any success for granted, or even claim credit for it, because the second I do, something awful will happen and I'll be back at Square One (which is a place I REALLY don't want to visit again!). Tomorrow a grad student from Italy is coming for a three-month period, and, since I've also studied in Italy, I should feel excitement, anticipation, and generally look forward to it. However, let's not overlook the fact that, all my life, I have had this intense fear of meeting new people. I always expect them to reject me or belittle me, or show me up for the loser I am. I don't think you can even call it "fear of competition" in this case, because she is so much further along than I am, you really can't compare us. It's mainly intense paranoia. Why? For once in my life, why can't I just enjoy how things are going? Why do I always have to be looking over my shoulder, anticipating the worst, reminding myself that, really, I was just lucky that time, and it's no credit to me? It's a pretty wretched way to live, and yet, when I try to forsake it, something awful happens, and I feel incredible guilt and regret for not being more wary. I'd just like to feel comfortable in my own skin, is that too much to ask? Apparently.