Big Mama I agree with both the above posts. Counselling is needed but not just for you and your husband, I would also have your children see someone. My partner and his siblings grew up with a man similar to your husband and unfortunately all 5 of them have problems now as adults. The male siblings all suffer with anger and control issues,they find it hard to break away from the example they were set. They do however manage in the main to over come but all struggle to maintain healthy relationships with partners and their children. The female siblings have been in relationships plagued with domestic violence and it took quite extreme acts to finally give them the push to leave. All of the siblings have been divorced at least once and several are estranged from their children. Their mother is still with their father but she is so meek that it brings her to tears when anyone does something nice for her, which includes something as simple as taking her a jar of peanut butter. I don't say such things to shock or hurt in any way, but just as a cautionary tale of a families long term reaction to a controlling husband and father. Counselling now may save heartaches later down the line. Good luck and positive thoughts to you and your family