My last pdoc thought I have IED, since I've been displaying symptoms since age 9. The rages are completely independent from my moodstates, and have to be triggered or more accurately relentlessly provoked. I black out mostly and hear details after. Bcoz I need a specific trigger for a rage as huge as this, and understand the danger involved, I avoid anybody who is an obvious button pusher and doesn't respect my boundaries that I so clearly point out. If your daughter WANTS to see her mom, and she'll be safe with her grandparents, let her go, but make provision for her to be ABLE to leave as soon as she wants or needs to. If there is no adult supervision while her mom works, keep her home.