(((squiggles))) I am sorry this is causing you pain. I have to admit that I don't understand this kind of thing at all. But I don't think it's a "need" , I think it's more of a "want" or "desire". Surely you won't physically or spiritually die if you don't see T's private life.

As a human being, your T is entitled to a private life, I know you know that. Even if it wasn't a T relationship, if perhaps you were friends, she would still be entitled to keep things private. Even the closest relationships (H & W) (Parent & Child) have private things that they don't share. I would never read H's email, or check his voicemail. I would never read my child's diary. We all have an right to privacy, as a matter of fact I would consider privacy to be a need. Without it we would suffocate spiritually.

Hope this doesn't sound judgmental...it isn't meant to be. I am just trying to point out T's side of this.