Many triggers********* thank you for all the replies and leed, my ex husband was very similar to yours. He would check up on me, even when i was at school. When he was deployed, i wasnt allowed to work, on top of that he would only send me $200 a month for food and gas. He made me keep every receipt and email him every single thing i purchased and it had to add up or I wouldnt get that 200. When he was home and i was able to work, it didnt last long because he would call me 30 times in one shift. If i didnt answer i would have 30 voicemail messages about "stupid bi*ch" a land threats being called worthless, and in the end he would go up to my work screaming and cussing if i didnt answer. He was also physically abusive and that was bad. He made me drop out of college because it was cutting into my cooking and cleaning time. He would make me do things sexually and would put his hands aroung my throat and squeeze at the end
i cant tell you how many times he did that during fights and would always say since we were away from my family and i wasnt allowed to have friends, he could kill me, knew where to bury me and no one would ever know. I eventually was able to leave him and so thankful that i did.
The other abuse i was thinking about is like my aunt. We grew up together she was only one year older but when i didnt do what she wanted she would punch me, she would try to ruin my relationships or friendships, even out of jealousy she would be mean. When with friends she would always pick on me kind of. Laughing about my mental disorders laughing about and telling them about my past abusers, she would do anything to make me feel bad.
Another ex of mine would not just cheat but would find a way to turn everything around, make me feel worthless and would use that to get sexual favors. I would cry while doing it, which would only make for a good story to tell. He was 19 i was 15.

Then the one that really confuses me as he never physically really touched me, i dont think.
he was 22, i was 14. I looked up to him as kind of a mentor. He knew just what to do to make me feel special. I always rode in the front seat, he would talk about how mature i was, would only let me in the room during hid drug deals (but i never did the drugs) he said he had been with 99 girls and wanted me to be 100. I didnt see him that way and one day when he kissed me and i didnt let it go further he punched and broke one of the globes on the ceiling fan and was crushing the glass with his bare feet talking about how sexually frustrated he was. I blacked out a couple nights i was with him. Then i find out after i moved that at his parties he would joke about me and say horrendous things. Like the night i said no but his friend didnt listen, i lost my virginity that night but blacked out. They made me clean up my own blood and laughed while i did. Apparently he was telling the story at a party not realizing he was talking to my brothers and was saying how he manipulated me in order to have orgies with me. I blacked out but as far as my current memory goes, he was never sexual with me. But he told everyone in town about using me like that. Then when he gets sent to prison for murder kidnapping and torture the newspapers report his conversation with his cell mate where he talked about me again as a trophy saying i thought he was god so he could get what he wanted from me. This all happened 10 years ago this momth and hes the hardest to get over pain wise. But since i dont know of any time he actually touched me asside from that kiss, i never looked at it as abusive and didnt understand why he still effects me. Sorry for so many triggers, these people i never thought of as abusive. Just bad people, but now im looking at it from a different perspective and dont know what to think of these people