Thank you for the responses. I was just stuck in my head and worried. I think I am too worried about making everything perfect for the people around me and future children that I forget nothing and no one is ever perfect and all I can do is love those people as much as possible and do my best. It was very helpful to hear about all of you that have been able to have a family and relatively normal life.

Miguel'smom - Thank you for being so honest, I didn't take it in a harsh way at all. The first thing you said was actually very helpful making me realize if he loves me, he loves me and there is nothing I can do but accept that and appreciate it. If he couldn't handle it, he wouldn't stick around.

Bluemountains - You're question about how I am handling my anxiety is very right on...I am not handling it. I am prescribed Xanax, but it doesn't really seem to help. I need to go talk to someone because it is getting very out of control where I am constantly anxious about something, or nothing at all. I am sure that is contributing to my worrying about the future.