Thank you all for your kind words of encouragement. Leed you are so right it's not a little controlling. It's alot. I just don't understand how or why i choose to stay. I live a double life. All is well, I'm happy then, he comes home and I'm walking on eggshells until he goes to sleep. I have no money. He gives me limited gas money so that dictates how often I can get out of the house. He of'course says that's not true, that's all he has to give me. ($75.00 a month) If I use the phone while he is home then I have to play 20 questions with him, I can't watch shows I like, I can't use the computer when he is home either. All attention must be devoted to him. He can talk on the phone and I guess I should just sit back and watch. Thank goodness he is not home much.
We have started counceling and it is one of the scaryiest things I've ever done. To speek the truth is terrifying but even more scary is knowing I may make him mad. My oldest son has already gotten into some trouble. He took a knife to school because he was being bullied. When the principal asked him why did he need to carry a knife he said to protect himself at school and to protect his mom at home. SO GREAT!! He got thrown out of school for a year. We also go intensive in home counceling. The councelor was here 10 hours a week in the evenings after school. Maybe we should just have built her a room here. But she was here enough to see the truth. It caused her to have to make some very tough ethical choices in reguards to my family. We had her here for 6 months. Her last day with us is June 30. I'm terrified without her now.
But any way if my husband did not agree to medication or counceling the she was going to have to make the call to have my kids removed or I'd have to leave with them. Emotional abuse is abuse to. My husband did get on meds. He has OCD and PTSD. But he has since decided they were not helping him. (They really were) But to keep our kids in our home he's agreed to do marriage counceling. We've only been going 6 weeks. Like I said it's scary and triggering alot of things in me. Our councelor also happens to specialize in trauma work which I had issues with before I got married and have certinly developed more since being married. It's been a long 18 years being married to this man. Please pray for my sanity and that things will one day be the way God wants it to be.
Thank Yall and have a blessed Day,
Big Mama