Squiggle, I think you know by now that I relate very much to your question and your feelings!! I wish I could see my T in RL too. When she mentions her kids, I wish I could see them. I wish I could watch her go about her activities other than as a T. I wish I could see all of her pictures too.

But.....I used to see my former T in the restaurant, at functions, around town, and it was okay but awkward. I had met her family too, and knew her H before I knew her. That didn't change anything positively for me, though I didn't have such an urge to know her, at least. I still wanted our CONNECTION to be more real.

I saw my current T's kids' photos on FB and a couple of her H and it made me feel worse, not better. I stopped looking them up. She said she would show me their photos on her camera, so she showed me a few. I'm not sure. I think that also made me more upset, not less.

I'm wondering if our want is more to be WITH our Ts in their daily life, not to see pictures of it. At least for me, I wish I were IN her life outside of therapy. That's what the yearning is for.

Since we can't have that, what helps is to have that connection in the room. At least we can have that! But it's not the same; it's bittersweet. One day I asked my T what her favorite song, color, food, movie, etc. are. She told me. That helped me to feel that I knew her more. I don't know if there's an answer for me or for you. It's the way therapy is. If our T were someone we knew in RL, we wouldn't have these feelings. It's just their role, and we have to deal with it the best we can. I talk to my T about it, and she understands. That helps too.

I wish I had a better answer for you, but at least you know I understand how it is for you.