My relationship and need to know she's real is closest to BunnyWithin's statements.

I know for my example, it was a need not a want. I absolutely could not open up without "getting" something from her. It was two-fold. I needed her to be real to me and I needed to at least have the impression that she was putting something on the line for me to do the same. I know a lot about her and I know HER well now, but I've also always been overly respectful of (and nearly paranoid of violating) the boundaries she erects. When she really started self-disclosing, I stopped being so interested in drumming info up and obsessing.

AND.. for me, her making mistakes and me seeing her as flawed made a big difference in her finally seeming real to me.