My pdoc says I am in a mixed episode right now which is very dangerous. I am severely depressed, but instead of having no energy, I have the energy and motivation to kill myself, and in a rather violent way. This is unusual for me as usually my suicidal thoughts involve rather passive methods. My anger is out of control, so much so that I put myself in danger of self harm and suicide. I haven't self harmed in a long time, but the urge now is so strong.

Has anyone else had this type of mixed episode, and if so, how did you deal with it. Right now I am obsessed with why my life is not worth living. I know this is the mixed up thinking of mine when I am depressed, But I just can't change my thinking right now. The pull is too strong. Any help, or any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. And yes, I see a pdoc and T regularly. They know what I am going through and we are all trying to keep me safe without going inpatient.