For a month this feeling of 'I can't be a positive influence for anyone, that I am a burden to my parents, and dragging down the man I'm in a relationship with' has been ...just getting worse. I can't get a job, I still live with my parents, I'm getting older my birthday is coming up this weekend, I want to move south but it won't happen. I got nothing to offer. I am just sitting here, applying for online jobs, and tomorrow the same thing. all over again.

I made a list of the good in my life. I am in school I graduate in a year, I am thinking of applying to volunteer, I am taking a summer course even tho it's 1 credit. My dad is getting my tuition and he is somewhat understanding. I am in a good relationship, but

I know I cannot blame myself, a lot has to do with the economy, but it's me that has anxiety and all these inner issues.

I compare myself to others a lot. I know it's toxic to me I ask myself 'why can't this happen to me?', but why do I still do it? I can't avoid when family and friends share the good news. Is this jealousy? This makes me feel like I am arrogant...I got urge to do something that's unsafe to myself. I just don't want to be this way.. Ty for reading