For me, some of the fear of letting go of the depression and old pain was the fear of acquiring new pain, new things to blame myself for. If I made the decision to get out of bed and go DO things, I would be making new mistakes. I had so much hatred and blame for myself for the things I had already done/done wrong, I was afraid of new mistakes. If I open myself up to new relationships, it was just new people to hurt me or reject me. A lot of the early work I did in therapy was to address that negative self-talk and give myself some compassion and empathy for the fact that everyone makes mistakes.