So I know that I have this disease and I am in fact not the disease. But why do I so desperately feel as though Bipolar Disorder has completely consumed my being. I would love to have just an afternoon with no thoughts about going in or coming out of an episode.

I recently came out of a very dark 6 mon depression. One where I would go for days without getting out of bed. After getting out of the hospital for the 3rd time in 6 mon a couple of weeks ago, I have started to feel somewhat better. Mind you, I am attempting to take baby steps. You see, I know that I am rapid cycling. Which is somewhat okay with me, since it is not the dark hole that I lived in for so long. The problem is that I am scared to death that mania is right around the corner. And of course when one goes up one must come down. It just is all so overwhelming.

Sorry, it feels like I am talking in circles.