thanks, rapunzel, i'll check that out and let you know what i think. it's taken me 30 years to admit to the attachment/abandonment thing, although i've always known deep down.

as for it interfering with future family, my issues around sex are so massive, and my need to be alone so intense that i think the chances of my having future family are less than miniscule.

but it would be good if i could sort things out so i'm not constantly freaked out by my current family, and my friends, and my housemates and basically everyone

edit:: i just read some of that site. this paragraph could've been written about me: Avoidant adults are uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy. They are emotionally distant, uncomfortable expressing needs or asking for help. Often they do not recall much of their childhood experiences. They are good in a crisis because of their ability to react with intellect and set feelings aside. They can be cool, controlled, ambitious and successful. They avoid conflict and tend to be passive-aggressive and sarcastic. They don't want to rely on anyone, fearing dependency or a perception of being weak.

that's so true!