I feel, maybe based partly on what you said and partly on my own experience, that you ARE doing the work of letting it go by acknowledging your reluctance to let it go and having some understanding of the ways in which it is an intimate part of who you are. I think it is essential to do this before you can move on.

In my own version of this, there was not one moment where I "let it go", but there have been many, both big and small. Occurring over years, but faster and bigger in the past year. For me, this was very connected with self acceptance-- as I suppose the more confident I became with knowing that I would be okay even when I changed, I become more comfortable with letting the old pain go.

This may sound really strange, but I have found it comforting to realize that no matter how much I let go, I never forget what happened to me. "It" is still a part of me and a part of my life, even without the old pain. When I have memories now, it is almost like I am grateful that I can still hold onto those old experiences, without the negative emotional attachment. I can tolerate the memories as if they are another part of my life experiences.