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Jun 26, 2012, 03:31 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2010
Location: Michigan
Posts: 6,543
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Bless your heart -- PLEASE don't think about doing anything to yourself. I hope it's just "thinking" and you're not in the PLANNING stage.  You can't do that. Just remember this -- suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem!
I think you're intelligent enough to know that things aren't always going to be like this. Yes, the economy stinks -- but things ALWAYS change! They never stay the same. You are doing ALL the appropriate things you should be doing to make things better for your -- and I APPLAUD you for that!!! So many others just sit back and complain, yet they don't DO anything about it! Not you -- you're taking a class, you're applying for jobs -- you're applying to volunteer -- good for you!!! I'm proud of you!
And yes, it's toxic to compare yourself to others. SO WHAT that they've got this or that!! They probably had it HANDED to them too!! You will be able to say that you WORKED for what you have. That gives you more pride and self-esteem. Having something handed to you gives you nothing. 
You ARE a positive influence on MANY people due to the fact that you're working for what you want! So what if you live with your folks!! That just gives you a better chance of getting what you want! That's no big deal! And I doubt that your boyfriend thinks you're "dragging him down" either. Ask him and he'll tell you. 
You are your own worst enemy, sweetie. You ARE a good person, you ARE a positive influence, you ARE worthy of good things. If this anxiety is getting too severe, talk to the counselor at school (you said you were going to summer school, right?) and see if he/she can help you. They'll be happy to talk to you! If you can afford it, see a therapist - you won't regret it.
Stop being so hard on yourself Jan -- you're a GREAT person! Hugs, Lee
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