(((((((((((((((((((( peaches )))))))))))))))))))

it totally, absolutely makes sense to me. especially this >> Recently, i realize that i am also reluctant to let the pain go. Not because i want to keep suffering, but because it has been a part of me for as long as i can remember. For the part of me that holds pain, it seems like unburdening the pain will leave an empty shell with nothing in it, or that this part of me would disappear. [...] My t has been asking me, what would that part that holds pain like to do, once it has let go of all the pain and suffering? I can't seem to answer that. The purpose of this part of me seems like it has always been to hold emotional pain, away from other parts of me. [/quote]

I really, really get this. I'm right about in the same place.
To "who could I be then? This is the 'me' that I know", T2 says, You will still be you; you will get a new kind of innocence. I have NO idea what she is talking about. I am working on trusting her, deeply, really, because for this part of the journey I have no eyes, no map, no safe zone.

It sounds like yr T is very familiar with this work (as mine is) and is strong, to see you through it. I am wishing the best for you.