oh, dear sweetheart! i can totally understand how you are feeling, and exactly where you are right now! i SO feel the same way about my abuser! my family denies that any of it EVER happened, my own SISTER claims that i made it up to get attention and that all of my psychological problems are related to guilt because of my original accusations, and my BOYFRIEND is trying to convince me that i was abducted by aliens as a child and these memories were planted by them!!! i am feeling a little more than screwed up and delusional lately. i can't tell any of this to my T or PS because i am afraid he will totally put me away. sorry, back to the subject at hand... whenever HIS b-day rolls around, i dream about what awful things i am going to do on his grave when he dies. but that gets us nowhere. as messed up as it sounds, we need to learn to realize that HE was abused, and HE probably could not help what he was doing. (i know, you are thinking "yeah, right! when PIGS fly!". i think the same thing) but, do you want to give him the satisfaction of making you the bitter, angry, screwed up person HE was? have i said too much? sorry, i really didn't mean to ramble like this... this subject kinda hits a sore spot...