Hi. I'm not sure what to say but I wanted to respond to let you know that someone has heard you. It sounds like you are really triggered and down on yourself right now. If the affair is not going to be a good thing for you you can choose to stop it. Not saying it will be easy, but you have the power to control your own behavior. Talk to your insiders. Ask for help from each other. Offer help to each other. Rally together. If you make mistakes, forgive each other.
Above all, remember that as long as you are breathing there is hope.