You do not need to die. Trust me most of us have been at that point where we believed we needed to die as well. During my drinking days I attempted to kill myself time & time again when blacked out. But I'm still here because I wasn't meant to be dead. And neither are you. Give soberity some time. Last I saw you were only two weeks sober. It's a scary world when we first start our jounrey in recovery. Too be honest I'm not getting my life back, I'm getting a new one. A happier one. Talk to other alcoholics, if not in person try on PC. Bring the body and the mind will follow. Just take it one day at a time.