I'm sorry if this is self indulgent, but writing this made me feel better.

I'll never be what I could've been, that time is gone.
I'll never be able to extemporaneously create the same sort of visceral, energetic riffs that could showcase influence without directly copying phrases, etc. I've simply lost all the feel. it WONT come back, because AA is forcing me to be a good person. Good people can't do ANYTHING with ANY SORT of EDGE. I never had the confidence. People always told me "you're no good, you're no good, you're no good." But that was really my fault. They hounded me for bad social skills. A**holes.

People like bad behaviour, they're attracted to it, just not from me.
People like me are supposed to be nuts and make the most of it. TOO LATE.

Women found me very attractive, but I was too damn narcissistic to ever enjoy any of that. No one would help me out.

I really miss being influenced--on a very natural, sometimes even passive, --level.

My brain works, and thats the WORST PART. I'm incapable of turning my brain off nowadays.

I had some chances with some wonderful people, but I screwed it all up, I was a cruel bastard.

Sometimes I wish I could take these jerks with me, but it's really not there fault.



Thanks for indulging me.