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It seems everything always comes back to me being wrong/ in the way/ made that mistake/ made the wrong decision/ upset that person or just plan ignorant.
Yes you may question maybe I mistake those situations or other people’s reasoning at the time but it’s true. One way or another I am at fault or add to the worsening of situations. Things would have gone better if I hadn’t had been involved, other people are more capable then I would be to handle those situations.
So no matter how hard I try, I just end up feeding back into the negative thinking patterns I have worked on or tried to change.
It’s hard for everyone, I know, and we all have things slightly different for different reason. Sorry I am still annoying or upset some people.
But is it so wrong of me to want to not be like this, however the only way I can do this is to get something’s out even if I am reacting out of emotions and not clearly thinking.
The reason I get so emotional and overreact, I suppose, is because for me it is hard to make any decision.
Reason being with the car accident I was in, it could have gone differently if I reacted or things happened different but it was all a few seconds thing. However now I can’t trust myself to make a decision because I worry about the outcome of that decision and the effect I could have on others or situations. However sometimes I just do things regardless of outcome otherwise I would never leave the house let alone be able to function to have any form of life. However then the guilt or realizations comes some when sooner or later of yet again more reason to back up I am a horrible waste of an existence of a life. Then that’s it I have to start all over again trying to better things but all I really do is make things worse and end up in this cycle of negative thinking.
Why is my way of thinking (above) such a strange thing for people to understand? Also that way of thinking makes me get so emotional and have extreme anxiety. I just can’t function or react to situations in an ideal or normal manner either. Only because of how I have either made that wrong decision or something has shown evidence to back up my beliefs. Or the constant worrying about how things may turn out, that I have to do or be involved in e.g. jobs. What I mean by this is constant contemplating the outcomes, like second guessing. Even so that still not enough to changes things I am still always wrong and in someone’s way one way or another. It always leads back to it would be better if I didn’t exists. So all I end up doing is feed myself on belief that I am horrible and worthless and should just lock myself anyway out of the way of the rest of you. It seems there is no way I will ever be anything other than this.
Why would anyone keep putting themselves into these situations? When it makes them feel the worse they have ever felt and in a way no one should have to feel like. But I keep at it trying to sort things out.
It is getting harder not to be so over emotional and keep that small chance in site; of maybe one day I will be able to find a place in life where I will be different. Where I will be able to make the right decisions and not be such a negative impact on situations or the people around me. I have to try and keep telling myself this otherwise there is no point to my life what so ever.
It is so hard, when things keep backing up or add another reason as to why the negative things I believe must be right. However then I am condemning myself to forever trapping myself within my negativity. Yet at the same time if I give up then how will I ever find that possible, if ever, chance that things may be different in the future. Like people say things just don’t get handed to you on a plate for nothing. You have to go out there and make things happen. However this so far is not working for me and I am at loss as how to change or better myself. So that I can calm down my emotions and able to better my chances to be around situations and place in life to back up better ways of thinking and living.
Anyway just yet another explanation if that about me and why I came here to this site. However the hardest part for myself to overcome is those thoughts about living and how I just don’t seem to be able be involved with the world around me and therefore then all I believe and keep getting feedback to support you should just get out of everyone’s way and don’t deserve a life.
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