I'm exhausted with life. I know it probably isn't true, but it really feels like no one cares anymore.

Home life is nearly unbearable. My mom and dad are making my life hard, too. I went to stay with them for awhile, because I had to get away from the situation in my own home. My mom is an alcoholic, so she was slobbery drunk the majority of the time I was there. And then there's my dad, who is a preacher. Good combo, eh? All I heard from him was that I need to go to church to make all my problems go away. Yeah, that works... whatever.

I got on the subject of mental illness with my mother... which was a huge mistake. She basically just told me that it's a cop out. No one is ever really mentally ill... it's all just a way for people to get attention and get a "free ride" through life. That's what she says about it. In her opinion, everyone should be able to get over whatever has happened to them in life no matter what.

She doesn't believe in bipolar disorder (which is what I have). She said that everyone seems to have it these days... it's just a diagnosis handed out by docs like candy... a good way to get pills.. she says. Another made up illness. Apparently this illness is all in my head, and I should be able to get over whatever it is that's really troubling me. I don't need medicine. I don't need psychiatrists or therapists. I just need to shut up and get over it. Get on with life like everything is ok.

Right now I am having a very, very hard time with life. I am depressed and having really bad thoughts. I cry all the time. I barely eat. I don't do anything useful or productive. But I must remember that it's all in my head... something I can snap out of and get over.

If I do go to the doctor or the hospital I know I'll pay the price when it comes to my parents. They won't understand. They'll keep it a secret that I even went for help at all..... after all, no one should EVER know that a preachers daughter has problems like THAT. I'm nothing more than an embarrassment.

I have a wonderful husband, 3 wonderful kids, a nice house, and nice cars. I'm financially stable... there's no reason for me to be unhappy or depressed. I should just get over it. Lord, how I wish I could. I've tried. It's not working.

How does someone deal with parents like this? Am I going to be forced to cut off all contact with them, because they don't understand anything?

I had a therapist tell me once that if my parents decided to get mad at me and not talk to me for the next 5 years that I'd be much better off. I'm beginning to think he's right. Has anyone just wanted so badly for someone to understand? I want them to understand and support me. It would help me so much. I just don't think that's ever going to happen. Thanks for letting me vent here.